RaeShelle

Erickson

March 7, 2015

Boone

Life History Report

My life history report is on a friend of mine I met in high school. I chose this friend because he has a different sexual preference than most other guys I know. He is in a different privilege group than I am because of his orientation. I can love whoever I choose because it is socially accepted whereas he gets judged quite often by people who do not know him because he’s interested in the same sex as himself. When he was 15 years old he discovered he was more interested in boys than he was in girls. I asked him a few questions about his experience when he discovered himself. The first thing I asked was when he found out his sexual orientation. He told me he was fifteen years old while he was still in ninth grade. He told me his family was very supportive of his decision and stood by him through everything. Most of his friends did the same but there were a few who walked away. He is very confident and open however, so he took that as he didn’t need negative people like that in his life. When I asked him if he chose this or if he was born with these preferences he told me he felt he was born with it. He said he was never particularly drawn to girls in any way outside of being their friend. I asked him next if anyone has ever asked him to hide that side of himself for any reason in the workplace or otherwise. In the workplace they never have mainly because he knows it is illegal to do so but schools are a different story. Kearns High School was a very open environment. He could wear makeup, paint his nails and dye his hair as much as he liked and he felt very confident and open with himself to everyone around him. He now attends Utah State which is a very different environment. He no longer gets to dye his hair different colors such as his trademark purple or blue. His nails stay unpainted and I have yet to witness him do his makeup since attending this school. When I asked about this he told me this college is pretty strict on how students must behave. For example students may not have music on after a certain time or they can get it confiscated. He does enjoy going to this school but he has admitted he misses dying his hair fun colors and doing henna with one of his best girlfriends. He is a very creative person and misses expressing that through how he looks. When I asked him if he’s had any difficulties living in Utah in particular. I was surprised to find out that his biggest issue living here is more his lack of a religion as opposed to his relationships. When I asked what he meant he told me people worried more about the fact that he doesn’t attend church than they do about who he dates. I was confused by this as I thought the church would reject him for his preference. He then admitted that he thought they only wanted him to join the church so they could “fix” him. This genuinely upset me. There is nothing to “fix” about my friend, he’s perfect as he is. I then realized people consider him to be less than perfect just because they are biased and refuse to accept him for who he is. I then decided to ask him about relationships. He told me that he tended to take the feminine role in a relationship. He likes being taken care of and treated special in those ways. He also told me relationships are not always a cake walk for him. When I didn’t fully understand what he meant, he explained that he’s had some nasty breakups in the past. He didn’t want to talk about most of them for understandable reasons but did tell me about one guy that cheated on him. They had been together for a year and half before he found out his significant other was seeing someone else. He confronted his boyfriend about it but got lied to. As strong as he is, I remembered this boyfriend and I also remembered my friend taking it very hard. It showed me that even the strongest people who smile the most can have bad days and rough times just like people who always have a hard time smiling. I admit this whole experience shocked me. I didn’t realize before that even in a same sex relationship some people could cheat or be abusive or anything of that nature. I was naïve when I thought that if they were the same gender, they would automatically get along better and have better relationships. In hindsight, that should have been obvious because sometimes friends don’t get along and friendships may not work. Relationships work in about the same way. I also didn’t realize how rough it can actually be to be different. Even with all the debate on same sex marriage it never occurred to me that some schools or workplaces could restrict something as simple as what colors you can dye your hair or whether or not you can wear makeup if you’re a certain gender. After conducting this interview I have a newfound respect for my friend. He goes through a lot of judgment and restrictions just so he can be himself. He has ultimately learned who his real friends are based off those who support him through thick and thin. He told me he usually tries to keep an open mind about people but he finds a friendship to be difficult if the person isn’t willing to accept who he is and how he chooses to express himself. My friend firmly believes that he has to be himself in order to be happy which in my opinion, is not a bad thing at all. In today’s society, people are always telling others who they should be, how they should look and how they’re supposed to act.  It is very refreshing to see my friends view of the world because it goes against so much of this. Even if he’s not the biggest fan of how you act, he respects that you’re being yourself and won’t say anything bad about anyone. He will tell anyone having a bad day that they are beautiful and to keep smiling because it makes the world brighter. This friend works very hard to make his environment bright and cheerful even if he’s having a bad day and I personally think the world needs more people like that in the world. What I can take away from all of this is to try and be a better person. Even if I only brighten one persons’ day, I’ll have done my job. As my friend has taught me, all that matters is that we make at least one person smile a day.

In conclusion, I feel there is a lot that can be learned from this young man. Living a different and sometimes unaccepted lifestyle from others has made him very humble and open minded towards everyone and everything. He has made it his mission to do good and to love and accept everyone he meets so no one has to feel the way he has felt. He judges no one by their covers and that is something I aspire to be. He inspires me to do good and to help others feel better. In that way, this assignment was a very good thing for me personally.